After wagering a friend $4K he could have romance for 12 hours, this sign died of a heart attack. Coital cardio and an entire Viagra bottle killed him.
Taurus can choke on a bag of chips or perish from falling out of bed. King Henry of Sweden, a champagne-sipping, pastry-loving bull, died on Mardi Gras in 1771 from gluttony.
Geminis, often distracted and scatterbrained, die while driving while texting their ex, changing the radio station, curling their eyelashes, and crushing an Adderall.
Cancer is crushed by their emotional baggage, unpaid parking tickets, torn plush animals, sweater collection, and missed aspirations.
Leo would die trying to undress on a balcony. Rulers of the fifth house of amusement, they may dance themselves to death like Strasbourg residents did in 1518.
Virgo dies of boredom, falls out of a tree, or chokes on herbal medicines and/or unpleasant disappointments.
Libra is slain by a jealous wife/husband, untreated syphilis, or botched cosmetic surgery.
Power players, witches, and rulers of the eighth house of romance, death, and other people's money are most prone to fake their own death or murder.
Sagittarius dies from a champagne cork, a half deflated bouncy castle, or laughing at themselves.
Capricorn is murdered by a falling bar bell, masturbating to a mattress filled with money, a dominatrix they shortchanged, or a mob of angry employees.
Aquarius Tony Arther was poisoned, shot in the head, viciously beaten, and castrated before dying in a frigid river.
Pisces, living on seawater and ether, dies of boredom or drowns in the bathtub.